Fear of Failure: Questions to Help You Get Over It
Fear of failure rarely sounds like fear. It sounds like "I need more time to prepare", "it is not the right moment" or "who am I to try this". If something you want keeps getting postponed, the questions below can help you see what is underneath. Most of them ask about one specific thing you want to try, so it helps to have it in mind as you read. They are prompts for writing, not therapy, and they work best answered honestly and briefly.
These questions are not a substitute for professional help. If fear is keeping you from getting through your days, talking to a professional can make a real difference.
Pin down the fear
- What is the one thing you want to try but keep postponing?
- If it fails, what exactly happens in the first week afterwards?
- Who do you picture watching when you imagine failing?
- What would people actually say, and what do you fear they would think but not say?
- Is the fear about losing something, or about what failing would mean about you?
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad would the realistic worst case feel a year later?
Where it comes from
- When did you first learn that failing was dangerous?
- How did the adults around you react when you got something wrong as a child?
- Which past failure still decides what you are willing to try?
- Whose failure did you watch up close, and what did you conclude from it?
- What do you think success would force you to keep up?
What waiting costs
- What has playing it safe cost you in the past year?
- If you never try this, how will you feel about it at seventy?
- What are you doing instead of the thing you are afraid of?
- How much time have you spent preparing, compared with doing?
- What would you lose by trying and failing that you are not already losing by waiting?
Shrinking the risk
- What is a version of this so small it would be hard to fail at?
- What could you try this week that you could undo if it went badly?
- What do you need to know before starting, and how could you find it out in one day?
- Who has done this before you, and what did their early attempts look like?
- If a friend tried this and failed, what would you honestly think of them?
- What would count as a good attempt, even if the result is not what you hoped?
After a failure
- What did you fail at in the past that turned out fine, or even useful?
- What do you say to yourself right after you get something wrong?
- What would you want to remember on the day something does go wrong?
- How would you like to treat yourself on the evening after a failed attempt?
- If it fails, what would you try again, and what would you change?
- What would you attempt this month if failing only cost you one awkward evening?
How to use these questions
Choose the one thing you have been putting off and keep it in mind as you read. Pick two or three questions, not all of them, and write for five minutes on each. Then look for one small step in what you wrote and put it in your calendar for this week. Fear tends to shrink once it has a date and a size.
Fear gets quieter when you look at it a little at a time. 99 Questions gives you one question a day for 99 days, with stops at day 33, 66 and 99, and your answers stay on your device, no account needed.
Start Day 1Questions people ask
How do you get over the fear of failure?
Make the fear specific: what exactly would happen, and how bad it would feel a year later. Then take a step small enough that failing at it costs very little. Each small step builds trust in yourself.
What causes fear of failure?
It often grows from early experiences where mistakes brought shame or harsh reactions, or from tying your worth to results. Knowing where yours comes from can make it feel less like a fact.
Is fear of failure normal?
Yes, it is a very human feeling. It becomes a problem when it keeps you from things you care about. If it stops you from functioning day to day, speaking with a professional can help.